I remember, when I was a little girl, I noticed my freckles. I watched them multiply. I wondered why I had flaws appearing beyond my control all over me. I didn’t know, back then, to listen to my breath, to feel it’s beauty from the inside, not out…..I didn’t know that there was an inside to who I was. I thought that everything that I presented to the public was who I was through and through. I memorized the freckles, the size of my feet, the way my shapes compared to other shapes around me. I started to hate me. So violent for a little girl, I was.

I also  remember a very boring spring break when my parents didn’t plan anything….I sat around looking at the carpet in my room and frustrated that the furniture  wasn’t as interesting as Emily’s up the street. I got so bored on that little pause from school that I looked up at my canopy bed, and down at the fuzz underneath my desk, and I got even more bored. So bored that I started to still, without even meaning to. I wondered what stillness was all about. I started to ponder. No one was entertaining me or suggesting a new trip to Six Flags. At first, I got frustrated and blamed the family for such a disastrous time. Suddenly, the emotions faded to black, and I heard silence for the first time that Spring.

Years went by. I went to school, and then didn’t. I got into trouble and then didn’t. I got angry and then the anger faded. Then…..years went by. At one point along the way, I was an adult. Driving when I wanted to drive. Making bad decisions and paying for them . I realized somewhere along that path – my day was up to me. No one paid but me. My life was mine.

It took many more years, cause that’s how life works, to experience my adulthood in its purest form. I finally, in some weird nap I was taking for no reason in the nineties….woke up to my first full breath.

I took it, and felt my body. I looked all over it, and realized that I knew about all my freckles, all my flaws, all my shapes. It was at that moment – waking from a dumb little nap – that I finally realized on some weird level – I have it all inside of me. No one else can claim it. My life comes from my breath and it’s healing effect on my bloodstream, my veins, my heartbeat.

Since then, I don’t look out or over my shoulder. I don’t reach for it in report cards or promotions or pats on the back. I don’t cry or plead for love. I find it inside the body, above my heart and through  my mind. I am a yogi because I breathe. I am a happy person because of my love that beats deep and reaches up. I am a friend because I care from my soul, not my credits. I am a girl in love because of my recognition of beauty, not the amount of roses I receive.

Thank you, body, for teaching me every day. I hope I can repay the favor.

First Morning….The Releasing, letting go….

I Go to the Barn Because I Like the    3:07    Band of Horses
Baleen Morning    3:27    Balmorhea
Soldier of Love    5:57    Sade    Soldier of Love
Macy_Gray__Beauty_In_The_World
Cursed Sleep    5:36    Bonnie “Prince” Billy
Cello Song (Featuring Jose Gonzalez)    3:55    The Books
The Way You Dream    8:21    Asha Bhosle, Michael Stipe & Michael Stipe & Asha Bhosle
Blood of Eden (Radio Edit)    5:07    Peter Gabriel
Lovers Rock    4:15    Sade
17_Turning_Page_Instrumental__Sleeping_at_Last
Here Comes The Rain Again    3:55    Eurythmics
Elevator Beat    2:44    Nancy Wilson
I’ll Be Your Lover, Too    3:54    Van Morrison
Raised_By_Swans__Night_Fighter_
Nada Himalaya 1    31:20    Deuter
Love Vigilantes    3:27    Iron & Wine

First Evening -  Finding Inner Power

Wonderwall    4:09    Ryan Adams    Love is Hell    Alternative & Punk        83
Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad?    4:25    Moby
The Garden    6:16    Cut Chemist
Sleep To Dream    4:10    Fiona Apple
groove thang    4:48        Audio CD            1
You Are My Face    4:39    Wilco    Sky Blue Sky    Alternative & Punk        4
Sarah Mcgloughlin    5:47        Audio CD            1
Small Hours    8:44    John Martyn    Sweet Little Mysteries – The Island Anthology    Folk        79

Second Morning – Come from Love

Yellow Brick Road    7:38    Angus & Julia Stone    Down The Way (Deluxe Edition)
Temptation    2:52    Cote De Pablo    NCIS: The Official TV Soundtrack    Latin
The Winner Is    3:05    Danna/Devotchka    Little Miss Sunshine (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)    Unknown Genre
Awake My Soul    4:16    Mumford & Sons    Sigh No More
The End’s Not Near    3:34    Band Of Horses    The OC: Mix 6 – Covering Our Tracks
Thinking About You    3:19    Norah Jones    Thinking About You (Radio Single)
Maelstrom    4:10    Erik Mongrain    Equilibrium    Folk
Raised_By_Swans__Night_Fighter_mp3ify-dot-com    2:56
Baleen Morning    3:27    Balmorhea    Balmorhea
Love Vigilantes    3:27    Iron & Wine    Around The Well

Simple Life    3:54    The Weepies    Happiness
Metropol 47    3:13    Mark Kozelek    Rock ‘N’ Roll Singer
Falling In Love At A Coffee Shop    4:32    Landon Pigg    The Boy Who Never

Second Evening – We are Artists

Embracing the Darkness    3:41    Peter Kater & R. Carlos Naka
Quietude    4:59    Peter Kater & R. Carlos Nakai
She Has No Time    5:46    Keane    Hopes And Fears
We_All_Need_Saving__Jon_McLaughlin
Angelique KiDJo    3:59    Fifa
Alex_Cornish__Dont_Hold_me_Back_
Becoming Human    2:02    Peter Kater & R. Carlos Nakai
Love Is Blindness    4:53    Cassandra Wilson    Modern Global Divas
Children Found    1:57    Andrea Guerra    Hotel Rwanda
Warm Love    3:23    Van Morrison    Best Of Van Morrison
Ocean Stone    3:02    Chris O’Brien    Lighthouse
Comptine_dun_autre_ete__Lapres_midi_Planet_Earth_Video    2:21
Cry Me A River    4:13    Glen Hansard    Even Better Than The Real Thing, Vo.l 1 (Today FM Live Recording)
Fly    2:58    Nick Drake    Bryter Layter (Remastered)
Baleen Morning    3:27    Balmorhea    Balmorhea
It Started To Rain    3:05    Amos Lee    Last Days At The Lodge
Untitled    3:04    Feist & Ben Gibbard    Dark Was The Night
Hold On To Me    3:23    Cowboy Junkies    Lay It Down    Rock
In the Sun    6:35    Donna De Lory    In the Glow    Inspirational
Lullaby for My Favorite Insomniac    3:52    Ahn Trio    Ahn Trio: Lullaby for My Favorite Insomniac    Classical        6
Any Other Name    4:10    Thomas Newman    American Beauty    Rock        60
Nada Himalaya 1    31:20    Deuter    Nada Himalaya    New Age        4
Everytime    3:49    Colm MacIomaire, Glen Hansard & Glen Hansard & Colm MacIomaire
Like Alcohol ( A Hole the Size of Part 2 )    2:46    nico stai
#3    2:31    Ben Harper & The Innocent Criminals    Live From Mars
The Rain Song    7:39    Led Zeppelin
Keep It Loose, Keep It Tight    3:08    Amos Lee

The rest, the release, the retreat, the reflection, the rejoice

Nada Himalaya 1    31:20    Deuter    Nada Himalaya    New Age        4
Track 04    7:07                    2
Beginnning to End (Featuring Nona Hendryx)    5:10    Aj Racy, Nona Hendryx, Paul Haslinger & Sussan Deyhim    Sleeper Cell (Music from the Showtime Original Series)    Soundtrack        3
Secret    4:55    Maroon 5    Songs About Jane    Rock        15
tori amos    4:09                    41
Boomerang (NYNEX Remix)    4:38    Cirrus    Spinning Volume 9    World        5
I Belong To You    4:18    Lenny Kravitz    5    Rock        5
All Night Long    4:08    Stereo MC’s    Connected    Electronica/Dance        6
Om Shakti Om    3:31    Trevor Hall    This Is Blue    Alternative        4
See You in the Next One (Have a Good Time)    3:07    Verve    A Storm in Heaven    Alternative Rock        11
Got To Give It Up, Pt. 1 (Edit)    4:13    Marvin Gaye    20th Century Masters – The Millennium Collection: The Best of Marvin Gaye, Vol. 2 – The ’70s    R&B/Soul        4
Pretty Little Thing    4:35    Fink    Pretty Little Thing / So Long – EP    Folk        4
The Power of Goodbye    4:14    Vienna Boys Choir    Vienna Boys Choir Goes Pop    Vocal        8
Maelstrom    4:10    Erik Mongrain    Equilibrium    Folk        2
Signs (Dubplate Mix)    5:29    Badmarsh & Shri    Daddy G – DJ Kicks    Electronica/Dance        2
The State Of The Union    4:29    Thievery Corporation    The Richest Man In Babylon            6
11th Commandment    1:35    Ben Harper & The Blind Boys Of Alabama    There Will Be a Light    Gospel & Religious        1
Everybody Got Their Something    4:21    Nikka Costa    Everybody Got Their Something    R&B/Soul        3
climb    4:55                    1
Your Koolest Smile    4:24    Flunk    For Sleepyheads Only    Electronic        3
Number Three    1:43    Ben Harper    The Will To Live            3
Colors    2:40    Amos Lee    Amos Lee    Folk        15
coldplay    3:45                    3
CM Blues    4:33    Gonzales    Solo Piano    Jazz        7
swell season 3    2:59                    12
Elevator Beat    2:44    Nancy Wilson    Vanilla Sky    Soundtrack        144
Lake Ewok Muse    4:37    Karen Marie Garrett    Allure Of Sanctuary            7
Track 01    27:57                    23
#3    2:31    Ben Harper & The Innocent Criminals    Live From Mars [Disc 2]    Alternative & Punk
The Rain Song    7:39    Led Zeppelin    Houses Of The Holy    Rock        1
Keep It Loose, Keep It Tight    3:08    Amos Lee    Amos Lee            1
Nada Himalaya 1    31:20    Deuter    Nada Himalaya    New Age        4
Fourteen Black Paintings    4:38    Peter Gabriel    Us    Rock        7
end flow 2    1:39                    12
sweet instrumental    5:02                    14
Tribal P gabriel    4:44                    35
Gold    4:00    Interference    Once (Music from the Motion Picture)    Soundtrack        11
Etta James    3:19                    2
Mercy Street    6:21    Peter Gabriel
Feeling Good    3:55    My Brightest Diamond
Cry Me A River    4:13    Glen Hansard
The Rain Song    7:39    Led Zeppelin
Leave    2:47    Glen Hansard
Hide & Seek 2    4:17    Imogen Heap
Keep It Loose, Keep It Tight    3:08    Amos Lee
Untitled    3:04    Feist & Ben Gibbard
Hold On To Me    3:23    Cowboy Junkies
Angelique KiDJo    3:59    Fifa   3
She Has No Time    5:46    Keane
Falling Slowly    4:04    Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova
In the Sun    6:35    Donna De Lory    In the Glow
Quietude    4:59    Peter Kater & R. Carlos Nakai
Lullaby for My Favorite Insomniac    3:52    Ahn Trio

Briohny Smyth

Dice and Bri love being upside down in an inversion or playing with arm balances as well as transitions from upside down to right side up and vice versa. Using inversions like Adho Mukha Vrksasana/Handstand, yogis can create the space for confidence and strength to grow in a fun yet focused way. The playful aspect of yoga is just as important as its disciplined aspect. Yoga helps to bring awareness to one’s own body. This awareness is the balance of the body and mind. In their classes, Dice and Bri’s goal is to help yogis bridge the gap between the two. Their classes are fun and rigorous with a focus on body awareness and key alignment points to help yogis get in and out of risky poses in an intelligent and safe way. Yogis can expect to work hard and have a blast doing it!
Dice was originally trained in the Anusara method under teachers like Anthony Benenati, Noah Maze, Tara Judelle and Chris Chavez. Though Anusara based, Dice considers himself a student of the Flow.
Briohny has completed a 200hour TT at Yogaworks with Annie Carpenter and later went on to complete her 300hour with Lisa Walford and Kia Miller.

Dice and Bri have assisted classes, workshops and retreats with teachers like Brock and Krista Cahill, Annie Carpenter, Lisa Walford and more. They currently teach in Los Angeles, CA at their home studio Black Dog Yoga, Equinox Gyms, Yogis Anonymous, Updog Yoga and online at Yogaglo.com & YogisAnonymous.com.
They consider it an honor to live in Venice, CA where they regularly study with amazing teachers like Annie Carpenter, Vinnie Marino, Jerome Mercier, and Brock and Krista Cahill

Briohny teaches at Equinox Marina del Rey on Mondays at 6pm and Fridays at 10:15am.

See her retreat on RYW at http://retreatyourselfwell.com/events/162/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfUIX9TLmBE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7gAJZRm43k

Tonight I start off on a voyage. The best part is the leap, the exhilaration of the unknown. From this point on, the good things that happen are going to feel even better, the new things that happen are going to broaden my heart and mind, and if I am lucky, somewhere in there, I will become wiser to the fact that the whole world is one. I will see myself in the volcanoes, the jungles, and most of all, the people who are being so courageous with me…..My heart is pumping gypsy blood, and today I get to dance. To my sweet friends and yogis, I will see you in the land of monkeys, and to the rest of you, I will see you after I have retreated, reflected and rejoiced!  God speed.

http://retreatyourselfwell.com/events/118/

I think the best use of my time, is knowing that this life takes time. Let the dust settle. Step back, and let life do what it does. Trust it.

In a flash, I can think that I have just entered the most painful part – you know the moment. The one where life feels like a wave that is about to crash right on top of you when you have just started learning how to use your floatation device?

When I get to that point where I know  my world is going to end, I usually hurt those around me. I lash out and turn my tongue into a razor – always in protection of my heart.

I hope just for this next time that  I can skip that stuff and just let the world take over. I hope in that moment I can just keep going…Let’s do that….LET’S JUST SKIM THE RINK….let’s skate by and look back at our triggers as a passing part of a much longer journey.

It turns out, the only thing worth affecting me is love. LOVE. Churchill has it right….we keep going and love always come around the bend.

Take a look. There is so much in the fiber. Joy. Sorrow. Celebration. Remorse. Quiet down and take a look.

When I quiet my energy, the muscle in my throat after mediation, I gain so much. Sitting back and looking around is the best decision that I could ever make. As a person, a lover, a friend, a manager, a teacher, a student. Thank you for showing me my silence, universe. I forget so often, that letting others just dance in their own words, energy, and force is the best way to let the world spin on it’s axis, and my soul learn a new dimension.

Simply put, the world is not my paintbrush, it’s my canvas. I love the blankness of this, and the pressure it takes off my shoulders, mind, and spirit. Ahhhh rivers, oceans, friends, and lovers. Keep painting.

Funny what happens, when we try to connect. I find that often more than not, I am full of manipulation. What can I get out of this? What can I get him/her to say that will sooth my yearning?

Jennifer Pastiloff is one of Los Angeles’ most popular yoga teachers. She combines her love of music, poetry, positive thinking and yoga to create a yoga practice called Manifestation Flow. She is also the creator of Game Yoga: Gifts And Miracles Everyday : free yoga for kids with special needs. Her classes uplift, inspire, encourage, manifest. A spirit that makes each room she enters a better place, we celebrate her teachings, her influence, her soul, here at Retreat Yourself Well.

Check out her next Italy Yoga Retreat here.

Jen featured on Good Morning America

Jen’s rules:
1. Be Kind.
2. Have a sense of humor especially when it comes to yourself
3. Write poems, even if only in your head
4. Sing out loud, even if badly
5. Dance
6. If you don’t have anything nice to say… you know the deal
7. Find things to be in awe of
8. Be grateful for what you have right now .
9. Watch Modern Family, read Wayne Dyer, and end every complaint with “But I’m so blessed!”
10. Duh, do yoga
11. Don’t worry. Everyone on Facebook seems like they have happier and funner lives. They don’t.
12. Tell someone you love that you love them. Right now.
13.. Take more pictures.
14. Forgive yourself for not being perfect. no such thing.
15. Thank the Universe in advance.

Jen’s Class Schedule
Jen travels a lot so please check if I am indeed in town and teaching. Also, ask in advance to be her guest to an Equinox class if you are not a member. She would love to have you. Contact her on her website www.jenniferpastiloff.com

Sunday: 9 am Equinox Southbay “Rock Flow”

Monday: 7:15 pm Equinox Marina Del Rey “Manifestation Yoga Flow” (starting when this club opens on April 16th)

Tuesday: 9:30 am Equinox Southbay “Manifestation Yoga Flow”

Tuesday: 7 pm Equinox Santa Monica “Manifestation Yoga Flow”

Wednesday: Reserved for Private and Corporate Clients

Thursday: 5:45 pm Equinox Southbay

Friday: 7 am Equinox Westwood “Get Up And Flow”

Friday: 7 pm Equinox Santa Monica “Relaxation Station: Gentle Yoga”

Saturday: 8:15 am Equinox Santa Monica “Get Up And Flow”

Saturday: 9:30 am The Yoga Collective “Manifestation Yoga Flow” (2nd floor)

She also do a lot of special events, workshops and retreats all over the world so please check the Retreats Page and the Workshops Page.

When I close my eyes and let my breath host my present moment, my mind melts and it’s vapors ease up towards the sky. My breath, like a bow on the strings of a violin, eases me melodically into my creativity, my memories, my heart and the lights glow…this magical moment always asks me to create structure, like a dollhouse. This always reminds me that my homes have helped house my soul. My childhood homes were barely shaped and playful. My first memory of home are flashes of playing dolls and barbies and naps in cotton sheets. I was a lucky little girl. The homes that followed grew with me. Our move to Atlanta introduced a darker house of teenage years, awkward, sometimes angry, confused – I remember the walls covered in chaotic patterns and cave like corners where I would sneak cigarettes and take my first sips of bacardi….the house felt small and constricting. I hated it. I felt my skin crawling and my body betraying me…I was pushing out of my home, my body, my girlhood. Each choice I have made of where to spend my time since then -  each town, city, state, apartment, cabin, house, hotel, shack has taught me something….My latest move from a dream home that fell apart around me to this new place that holds promise is telling me who I am each time I look around it. A loft, full of flaws and an industrial view, a neighborhood of eclectic people and going in many directions from shabby to chic – reminds me of where I am today. I glance at the raw materials, like the wood post placed strangely in the way, the white walls  and wood floors that show pieces of furniture that date back to my great great aunt to the over indulgent flat screen tv, the best Best Buy had to offer – I see that I am a mix of these surroundings, full of dust in the corners, awkwardly placed  lamps, mixed up colors and ideas, that somehow carry on and have moments in the sun and messes in the sink. My soul dances around the right and wrong of this home, and we learn from each other every day. My home brings me to a state of relaxation and a place of total frustration – sometimes within moments of each other. If I want to close my eyes again and seek the breath of meditation again tomorrow, I will first look around and let this home, this friend, this reminder of my present moment, speak to me of the choices this soul is making today. Our homes show us our souls, dear friends, so if your home is dragging you down, creating a rut, violently disrupting your flow, your breath, it’s time to make a change, as big as moving out to as small as rearranging the couch, for you are growing past it and need a different shaped space. Let your home remind you of the  journey that you are on – cut the strings, paint the walls, use another pillow or just nestle into what feels right, for now. Most of all, enjoy sweet dreams.

No Boundary – Ken Wilber

We are starting to see an important indicator of projection. Those items in the environment (people or things) that strongly affect us instead of just informing us are usually our own projections. Items that bother us, upset us, repulse us, or at the other extreme, attract us, compel us, obsess us – these are usually reflections of the shadow. As an old proverb has it,

I looked, and looked, and this I came to see;

That what I thought was you and you,

Was really me and me.

Playlist

Indian Summer  The Doors
If I Rise    4:38    Dido & A.R. Rahman
Sigur_Ros__Njosnavelin_acoustic_live_in_Paris-
Suzanne_Vega__Caramel
Angel Mine    4:00    Cowboy Junkies
max_sedgley__slowly    3:47
sunrise    3:21    Simply Red
Katie_Melua__No_Fear_of_Heights
Julian_Cope__Charlotte_Anne
Redemption Song    5:55    Moodswings
BBCOOLdown10    3:42
The Rain Song    7:39    Led Zeppelin
Ryan_Adams__my_blue_manhattan
Sorry I Am    4:49    Ani DiFranco
Everything’ll Be Alright    2:44    Joshua Radin
in my life    2:32    Dave Mathews Band